You can’t negotiate with a dreamer.

It is written in the stars that the dream house will have a roof deck overlooking the vast horizon. My favorite scene from one of my favorite books involved one, after all. (With a burning house in the distance to boot) Either that or I live in a lighthouse on a cliff against the howling sea. You can’t negotiate with a dreamer.

Anyway, I will never get tired of reading that passage when the main character visited the girl’s house. That scene was pure non-sequitur while still making sense. The feeling of hopelessness and desolation in the air, the painfully obvious way that they don’t have it figured out what they really wanted, yet for a fleeting moment, had this clarity.  The heightened tension, I could go on and on. Plus, the divine cooking actually made me hungry!

On this hypothetical roof deck, I shall sing my heart out, tone-deaf, with a beer in tow, while the rest of the world scrambles about.

Ghost Month

August is a very challenging month.

I thought July was brutal. Turns out it’s the warm-up I needed for August. Because the last 2 weeks has been a whirlwind of emotions, not all pretty. One day, I’m attending and facilitating a meeting with my boss, the next thing I know, I’m handling 8 or so guys with 2 trucks worth of pull-outs for a mega-monumental shoot. On my own.

It’s not all that bad. On good days, I feel like weeping like a child, and then I’ll remember how badass I am to be able to pull it all off in the first place, and then I feel like breaking down again because I am just so exhausted. In my darkest hour, I feel like quitting. The thought was so tangible that if they made me do it again in the future, I would run to the other direction while drafting my resignation letter.

But I can’t be mad. Not when my boss has appointed this task knowing full well that as a part of her team, I’m still too young (And I agree with that!). But still, this amount of trust that I can pull it off, who couldn’t help it but be flattered? And I did rose up to the challenge. What I didn’t account for in this matter is the crippling weight of responsibility. It has been extra work for me and I know that in the grander scale of things, I had no choice in the first place. This has been my baptism of fire.

This month has a lot of holidays, cancellations, and time to bum around but by the 36^th hour, your mother’s voice will start to grate your ears, and your brother gets antsy and you also get short with everyone. And then you will get irritated because the weather is just fucking psychotic it’s not even funny anymore.

More than anything, I want a vacation. It doesn’t even have to be somewhere far. Lie down on the grass. Eat junk food. Forget my responsibilities even for just a day. If only this weather would permit it. But turn on the television and it’s either another storm brewing or these breed of swines who deserve an entirely new circle in hell for being too goddamn greedy, it’s atrocious and disgusting.

Oh, and about the quitting? Pure indulgence on my part. It made me grow. Painfully so, yes, and I was mercilessly yanked out of my comfort zone but to hell with the bad vibes, I’m awesome.

Fangirl

I am a big fan of Hajime no Ippo. Sendo Takeshi is my favorite boxer. I’m the cat with the heart eyes. 🙂

Pic is from http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/sendo%20takeshi?page=18 OH, TUMBLR.

August Thoughts

When I’m in my mid-twenties and living on my own already, I’ll teach myself how to cook. I’ll pull a “Midori”, buy the biggest, handsomest cookbook I could find and master it from cover to cover. Then, I’ll probably go mad with joy (or grief) while buying the proper utensils to do a decent gourmet dinner.

Wait. Is that the sound of my mother’s disappointment I hear? Ehehehe.